Switzerlady

English housewife and mother in Switzerland. Needs meaningful occupation to prevent life of crime.

Friday, October 29, 2004

Caption competition

Cop a load of my Big Hair. I haven't had it cut since we got here as I don't dare. I am sensitive about my barnet, and I would rather let it turn into a privet hedge than come out with an aubergine rinse I never asked for.

How about a caption competition? What larks! Shall I kick things off?

"A rare sighting of the Swiss yeti with her young"


Best caption for this wins a prize Posted by Hello

An Historic Day

Emma, a.k.a The Chubby Queen/ La Reine Joufflue, CAN SIT UP. Yesterday she managed it for the first time without going wibbly-wobbly and falling over again. She stayed put for nearly a minute (chewing some newspaper as it happens.)

I am bursting with pride, and may even have to take a break to dance a jig of joy

(...)

Sorry to have been absent. I have spent the last week tasting the life of a single parent, and it's brought me to my knees.

Thanks for the comments, I feel a lot less lonesome. By the way: I called the last entry Mr Proper because that is the name of some cleaning fluid. I think back home he's Mr Muscle. Either way, he looks like Mr Gay Uk if you ask me.

Saturday, October 23, 2004

Mr Proper

One of my friends from the park asked if I would help another friend from the park clean her flat. She has just moved. I said yes, because I quite like cleaning.

When I arrived, everything seemed immaculate already. "Great!," I thought, (because I don't like cleaning that much) "I'll spend 15 minutes idly rubbing at an imaginary smear then push off home: after all, Jonathan Ross is on in an hour."

Wrong. There was dirt, you just had to remove cupboard doors and crawl under extractor fans to get at it. So now my knuckles are raw and I missed JR. Offering to help Swiss people clean is a bit like asking Brazilians if they need extra football coaching. I still had quite a nice time.

My beloved R is away for a week, so it's me and the chubby queen alone in our gang. She's six months old as of yesterday, so she had protein for the first time - lentils! I don't think I had lentils til I was about 16 and in a vegetarian phase (and very short lived it was too.)

Desperate pleading

Would someone post a comment on my blogsite please? It doesn't have to be funny or clever. For example "I have a baby, too. Isn't that nice?" Or "I like Switzerland. There are mountains."

Thursday, October 21, 2004

Swiss media

We don't have a telly. This is a) to give us a self-righteous, warm, tingly feeling inside and b) because it's really expensive. There is cable or satellite or nothing, and the cheapo deal only gives you BBC Prime which means Eastenders (good!) without the Ferreiras (very good!) but also wall-to-wall gardening / decorating programmes: these make me want to run to the bath with the nearest electrical appliance. So, tellylessness it is. In our free evenings, then, have we completed the entire Linguaphone French course and mastered the harpsichord or have we had dinner and collapsed into bed at 9pm? Hmmm?

Hallelujah for UK radio. Jonathan Ross (Hi, Jonathan, hi! We're not friends yet, but anything is possible with the Internet!) Saturdays, Radio 2, never miss it. And increasingly, Steve Wright's Sunday Love Songs. I'm not ashamed. The only thing that works in the kitchen is World Radio Geneva, Everything And More! Every day it turns me from a rational sort of girl into a tub-thumping, ranting harpy with its daft presenters and mediocre content. What really gets me is native English speakers using the bad English translation from the French e.g. "Well, folks, Kylie Minogue is having a birthday today" instead of "It's Kylie Minogue's birthday today." My dog could broadcast better than this! etc.

Our newspaper is the Weekly Telegraph (thanks, bro!) The local press just has supermarket, car crash and animal stories.

Monday, October 18, 2004

Also because

...during the night one of the radiators dripped non-stop onto the floor boards and - please, no, but possibly - through the concierge's ceiling. He's on holiday, but still. Our bath has already flooded into one of their children's rooms since we've been here.

I am not good with domestic disasters, let alone in foreign parts. My tactic has been, and will remain AVOIDANCE AVOIDANCE AVOIDANCE. Fiddling while Rome burns etc.

Bit lonely today

Fighting the blues a bit. The weather isn't great, so the park is out. Last week I'd taken to lurking round the swings and slides, waiting for other adults with prams to assail with my very imaginative chat up line: "Hello! Please you be along friends with me!" (This is what my French must sound like, in fact the whole routine is suggestive of someone with mental problems. But I've got over it.)

In spite of this, my friend-making strategy was actually working quite nicely. I'd got two phone numbers, one from a fantastic (Swiss) lady with 5 kids, the youngest of which has Down's Syndrome and is very gorgeous. The second phone number was from a Canadian Au Pair, also very lovely. The Au Pair scene here sounds pretty riotous.

But my phone calls are unreturned at the mo and that makes me feel a bit low, and I have to get out of the house this afternoon. Whether or not it is pouring with rain.

Cabin fever.


Sunday, October 17, 2004

Fancy that!

A photo!! It worked!! There may be a glut now I've learnt this new trick.

Right now, the blogiverse is a friendlier, warmer place than the real thing. We were all 3 of us in bed on a rainy, freezing afternoon - where better to be, especially with Jonathan Ross jabbering in the background - when there was a loud crash. The balcony awning, iron bar and all, had collapsed. Had we been underneath, this post would have been written from Glory. En meme temps the washing machine decided to flood the kitchen and generally misbehave.

One of these days I am going to hurl it from the window of this 2nd floor flat. With any luck it'll land on a little dog, and I shall not shed A SINGLE TEAR.


Saturday, October 16, 2004


Some fava beans and a nice chianti! fffffffffff! Posted by Hello

Can't win 'em all

She hates cauliflower.

Beetroot went down ok, though. We took a photo of her with beetroot all round her mouth; she looks like a lioness chowing down on a luckless gazelle. I might upload it (when I've figured out my new photo software, i.e. don't hold your breath.)

The flamenco evening was excellent. No one commented on the sangria. We also had a sitar-playing storyteller among us, and yes, he played his sitar and told stories. I liked the sitar: the storytelling was too much for my ropey French. I think it had something to do with animals, there was a moral at the end. It was quite low on gags, I think, but maybe that's the old French/English sense of humour clashing swords..

Emma is very happy after her drama. Apart from not managing to stick her feet in her mouth, nothing seems to bother her much.

Tuesday, October 12, 2004

Result

The good news is all of the above (or below, this being the internet and all) was quite motivating re. the vaccination issue. I walked into the children's hospital - it's round the corner - and spoke to the sweetest, friendliest nurse I think I've ever met, who told me just to come back with Emma's book and they'd sort it out. It could not have been easier.

Apparently, you can go OTT with baby rice, even though Em apparently couldn't get enough of it and appeared to scream when it was over. Despite using the word "cram" earlier (nervous laughter), I wasn't force feeding her a la foie gras. But she did get more than was needed. That's why she vomited (we reckon.)

Tonight I shall drink a large glass of wine.


Horrible night

Horrible, horrible. Emma was very cranky and wouldn't feed properly when we put her to bed at 7.30pm. Then at 10pm Rob heard her choking and spluttering. We went in to find she'd vomited everywhere, all over the bed clothes, all over her babygro, in her hair..and she was just lying there staring and very listless. I picked her up and cuddled her, but she just lay floppily in my arms, occasionally crying weakly. Tried offering her boob, which she refused - never done that before. At this point got hysterical with worry. No fever, thank God. We spent about an hour sitting with her while Rob gave her water from a spoon, as by this stage she hadn't had anything to drink for about 7 hours. Gradually she perked up a bit and had a little bit of breast milk, but she was so exhausted I gave up and let her sleep. Eventually I drifted off myself, but woke up every 2 hours or so, panicking. Then she woke at 7, all smiles and right as rain.

Hence I've been tired and emotional all day.

Can't imagine what it must be like to have a child that gets seriously ill. Doesn't bear thinking about.


Monday, October 11, 2004

Screaming

Went to Geneva today with Caroline (Rob's sister.) She has been with us for 10 days and it has been bliss. I am nervous about tomorrow as I will wake up, R will go to work and I will remember that I don't really have any friends here, and though lakes and mountains are very nice indeed, it is not the same as hanging around with chums, eating too much patisserie and putting the world to rights. Caroline also happens to be a fantastic cook and a great puree-er of baby food. The credit for the celeriac victory is really hers.

Emma screamed non-stop from Geneva (horrible place) to Lausanne and then gave it some throughout the whole bath / bed routine. After about a month of sleeping through the night, she has started waking up at 2am and 6am again. Such behaviour will send me to the funny farm. So today I decided to cram her full of baby rice (so she'll sleep, long and content, like after Christmas dinner) Now I am fretting that this is somehow connected to tonight's screech fest. Gas? Cramps?

I must take her to the paediatrician for more injections. That means finding one in the first place, and explaining what injections she's already had in French. No wonder I've been putting it off. And there's something about walking through the doors of a doctor's surgery that really gives me the willies, as if just being there might make her ill.

Bedtime. I am starting to ramble.

Saturday, October 09, 2004

Harping on about it

The thing is, celeriac is the sort of thing I would see on a menu and go "Oh, celeriac; fancy vegetable, probably foreign; don't know if I like it; might go for mince." And now my daughter (my daughter!) eats it without flinching. We are trying puree of beetroot tonight, more of an experiment really. Please don't call the child protection people.

Tonight we are hosting a flamenco evening. A colleague of Rob's is a superfly flamenco guitarist. We have invited our entire apartment block, even the guy on the ground floor with the big dog. I hope the big dog doesn't come, or any dogs at all. I need to make a big vat full of Sangria, which I think is red wine, fruit and sugar. Punch, where I come from. And tapas. (Snacks, sic.)

As you can see, it's not all bad. Occasionally, I miss Eastenders.*

*although not the Ferreiras. Please tell me they've been axed. They were rubbish.

Wednesday, October 06, 2004

Fighting

I get annoyed when people look in Emma's pram and say "She's hot!", "She's cold!" and the like, without bothering to say hello! and is it OK if I share with you my feelings about your baby's wellbeing? Maybe it is a pride thing on my part - how DARE you question my permanent genius maternal decision-making - and, gee, she might actually be hot / cold / hungry / a sweet little boy. Er.. Nevertheless in my country, we consider this rather rude. What, you mean this custom is also practised 'pon that fair isle I call home?? I'll eat my bowler hat.

Talking of maternal genius, my child - MY child - ate celeriac today. That's C.E.L.E.R.I.A.C.

Saturday, October 02, 2004

Things not to tell a Swiss person

"Goodness, a tame rat, how novel!"
"Umm, sorry, no dogs in the house"
"This wine tastes horrible"*
"Is this your bar of gold?"
Etc.

*Swiss wine really does taste horrible. My friend, Shiona, who knows a thing or two about wine, described it as "grim" and she's right.

Otherwise, things are on the up. Just as I had resigned myself to give Emma mashed banana til she goes to university, she scoffed a whole 2 cubes of butternut squash. My chubby queen is fickle, but it just adds to her charm.