the horror the horror

12pm Get in taxi after nice weekend. Emma in car seat. R in front seat. No mucking about with trying to get Thameslink. Ahhhh. Mood: Relaxed.
12:30pm Dozing off, traffic OK. Ahhh. Mood: Sleepy.
12:31pm Subconsciously wonder why we are in Walthamstow. Wake up a bit.
12:32pm Driver: "So are you taking a taxi because the Stanstead Express isn't running today?" Rob: "Um...we're not going to Stanstead, we're going to Luton"
Driver:"Oh. In that case I've been going completely in the wrong direction." Does U turn and heads back into town.
Rob: "Um, you could just take the North circular, it's just up here.."
Driver: "No it's ok, I know the route."
Mood: Very awake. Sweating. But could still be ok, the flight is at 2.20pm.
1pm After faffing around in Walthamstow some more, we hit bottleneck on North Circular. Mood: Stressed. Start harrumphing and fidgeting.
1.30pm Still not got to M1. Harrrumph and fidget audibly . (Emma mercifully asleep throughout proceedings.)
1:45pm Hit M1. Traffic clears up. Wonder why the driver isn't putting his foot down. R tells me later this is because he is about to run out of petrol. Mood: very agitated. Have already missed flight in head. Trying to remain calm.
2pm. Arrive at Luton airport. Driver stops cab in Green Line coach lane. Get beeped and sworn at from every side. I dash inside with passports, while R sorts out luggage and Elf. Mood: desperate.
2.01pm "Geneva?" I pant. "No: closed ten minutes ago. Sales desk is over there." Flinty expressions from EJ staff. R arrives, begs and pleads. Points to (cute in her new coat) toddler and huge pregnant belly. I do my 'little orphan' look. Nothing. I burst into tears. Mood: black.
2.05pm Find sales desk.
2.06pm Notice TV camera crew behind sales desk. Give them shark teeth and clenched fists. Mood: murderous.
2.15pm Worst case scenario, we have to take a flight tomorrow at the crack of dawn. Or we can try our luck at 6:15pm by nicking the seats of some other unfortunates who don't check in in time. We decide to come back in 4 hours.
2.20pm We evaluate the snacks situation. We have:
A broccoli and cheese quiche
Some yoghurt-covered nuts and raisins
3 cereal bars
2 apples
4 small bananas
I bar dark chocolate.
2.45pm We now have:
1 apple
1 cereal bar
1 bar dark chocolate. Mood: Large.
2.45-6.15pm Chase Emma round concourse. Stare morosely at newspaper. Sigh deeply. Make friends with theology lecturer on his way to Basel who knows Medair well. Repeatedly pick up free TruePrint envelopes that Elf likes to carpet concourse with. Have run in with official over this matter. Stare morosely at Heat magazine. Drink cappucino from popcorn bucket; apparently this is what you get when you ask for a Regular these days. Spend one hour twitching uncontrollably. Mood: Resigned.
6.15pm Yess! Yessss! We get two seats on the 6.40 flight. Dash through Departures, stopping briefly at Burger King to pick up a Whopper and fries. Mood: guilty.
6.40pm. We take off. E's sunny mood evaporates and the screaming starts. Dirty looks and aggressive newspaper rustling from returning weekend businessmen.
6.50pm Need to change nappy; block aisle getting to and from tiny toilet. Dirty looks and aggressive trolley rattling from cabin crew.
7pm Return to seat and burst into tears.
9.30pm (local time) Arrive in Geneva. All of us delirious with tiredness.
10pm No trains scheduled to Lausanne. Burst into tears (again) and start gibbering.
10.01pm Sudden brainwave - head to Geneva main station and see if any Lausanne trains going from there.
10:20pm Yess! Yess! Get on train to Lausanne - a slow one, that stops in every village, but the end at least, is nigh.
10.30-11.30pm Good humour unexpectedly returns. Elf falls asleep despite flurorescent strip lights. We take silly videos of each other with camera and crack open the chocolate. Mood: chipper.
Midnight Tip sleeping Elf into bed, fully clothed. Read 2 paragraphs I Capture The Castle. Zzzz.