The vale of tears

After 3 virtually sleepless nights, Glorymouse's cold shows no signs of easing up, and though the paediatrician reassured me that it was not in her chest, the horrible rattling sound she makes when she breathes is enough to send me to the funny farm with worry.

For 3 nights she has been awake for hours at a time. She suckles for a few seconds at a time then starts retching up phlegm. Then she falls asleep because she's so exhausted. Then she wakes up because she's finding it hard to breathe. So I try and comfort her with a feed - repeat cycle. I've used the snotsucker a lot, but the mucus she is producing is very thick and sticky and isn't easily budged. I worry about giving her a nosebleed if I try and suck too hard, and she hates the whole business enough as it is. We've tried putting menthol-soaked tissues close by, but they are not making much difference. The night before last I put a bowl full of Vicks-laced hot water next to her crib which I then knocked all over R's work trousers.

The good news is she doesn't have a temperature, and it really is just a bad cold - nothing more sinister. At least for now. But I am in pieces, emotionally and through sleep deprivation. I also feel guilty because I haven't cuddled and kissed my beautiful big girl enough.

I will do ANYTHING to get G to breathe easier.