What shall I do?

I got a very nice email yesterday from my boss saying "hello, hope you're ok, oh yes,the conditions of your career break mean you have to do 3 paid weeks a year. Bye!"

Well if I hadn't been painting my toenails I would have dropped my strawberry daiquiri. I mean work? Work? Paid work, where you have to turn up and stuff? I think I've forgotten how it's done. Anyway, this reminder that although I don't get money from them, I am still technically someone's employee, has given me the jitters.

I loved my job. I loved working in a big, busy hospital with lots of people around, much too much work usually, but job satisfaction in spades. I really miss the very sociable nature of nursing, as it can be quite isolating being at home with a snow elf. And it would feel like a break; currently my day starts at 6-6.30am and finishes at 7pm, including weekends and night duty. The only difference is that Emma doesn't shout at me for being in my pyjamas at lunchtime, and on sunny afternoons we just sit in the park for a couple of hours while I read and she picks at the grass and chews it. I can't complain.

I'm just not sure I can face the travel. We've been back to the UK about five times now, and it's exhausting. Not just that, but each time I come back I have to re-adjust and remind myself that I live in Switzerland now and maybe I should invest a bit more in our lives here; make some more friends, explore some more, that kind of thing. Nor could I bear to leave my beautiful little creature for weeks at a time.

Should I resign? That would mean paying back a whole wodge of maternity pay, and closing the door on a job I genuinely enjoyed. Should I try and get a job here? Not sure my French is good enough. Should I just carry on, my snow elf and I against the world? I'm happy for now, but she already gets easily bored if it's just the two of us on our own for too long. So I've signed her up for playgroup, starting in August. And I'm not sure what I'll do with all those free afternoons, but pottering around the house isn't going to do it for me.

* fret fret fret*