Switzerlady "not dead"

Switzerlady is 100 per cent, definitely "not dead," say sources close to the haggard-and-glamourous-all-at-the-same-time mother of two.

Despite a postage drought, a friend close to the star said everything was OK, but that she had been on "holiday". As a result of the "holiday" she is suffering "nervous exhaustion" and "absolutley, positively not dead at all" continues the source.

Ladybird (see links opposite) says "I met up with her in London's fashionable Tootingavia, and she didn't seem dead to me.. she was a bit vacant but she's always been like that."

Switzerlady would like to tell her fans how much she loves them, and she will be back to full postage strength after a few days with sedatives in a dark, quiet place.

A pox on our house (still)

Now Glorymouse has pox, a fever and won't sleep. This is hard, as she has never been a great sleeper at the best of times and it is reminiscent of the bad old days of endless colds, 24 hour wake-a-thons and a river of tears - mine, mostly.

I am also having a sense of humour failure with the whole quarentine thing. I know it is sensible and reasonable not to want your kid to get chicken pox etc, etc. But c'mon: it's chicken pox, not the Ebola virus.* Also it's good to get it over and done because it's much grimmer to have it as an adult.* What happened to the Pox parties that I went to when I was very young, the point of which was to pass it on to as many children as possible?*

*all this can be translated as "What about me, me MEEE? I'm BORED with staying in the house, DOING MY NUT with 2 small children to entertain and I'm sulking because none of my mum friends want me to come round, soothe me with tea and biscuits and tell me how wonderful and heroic I am for bearing up under the circumstances.